Amour est? I’ve never been in a long distance relationship. I don’t think before I would have been strong enough to handle it. I have not broken down and had a cryfest since this has all manifested. I was very, very close two nights ago, bothered by other things, but I didn’t.
Are you supposed to cry? peut-être...... When was the last time I had a breakdown? Back in Cobleskill, I had ruined my own friendship with one of my best friend, Simone and separated from my ex, Justin. The friend thingy, it was hurting. Its feels like, someone had taken my heart away; like a living body without a soul. Well, shit happened. I failed, I cried, I learned, and I grew up.
Lately I’ve been generally unhappy. I’m starting to dislike my job more and more. My friends are stressful. I was worried about school. Financially I’ve been irresponsible, not paying attention to what I’m doing, not to think of what should I do. Wise decision? I have it, but waiting for the right timing to actually do it. On top of that, there is something going on with my family that I try not to think about or hypothesize what’s going on, but it isn’t good. Somehow I wish I grew up in an ordinary family, but I didn't and I'm not blaming it. What I had been going through have make me a real Jessica today. Without the scar, where's the ending? But still. Lack of security always been a "thing" around me. I live my life with a protective shelf......
I’m not usually the type of person that holes myself up somewhere and doesn’t talk to anybody, but that’s what I feel like doing. And I would be doing that if I was a person that could say “no” or “I can’t.”
And the people I actually want to spend time with that give me a sense of comfort live a bazillion miles away, driving my unhappiness even further.
I probably need to have a ball to the wall cry. I might. But I don’t think it will happen. I don't cry easily, if you did see I cried, congratulations.
I’m more afraid of getting hurt again.